apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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