***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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