Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
