can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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