my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
