FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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