i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
