ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
