I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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