So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
