Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
