I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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