Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I need to align my fucking chakras
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
