I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
