meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
