He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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