What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
