You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
