Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
