i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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