Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
