Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
