clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Your cock deserves a montage
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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