Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you have to choose: penises or morals?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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