oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
