Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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