you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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