worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
