Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
