woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize