summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you had me at cake vodka
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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