he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
