I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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