i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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