No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
