The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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