He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize