Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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