Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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