The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm both gender and math confused
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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