your room smells of hookers.
And success
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
