i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
