: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize