When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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