I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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