I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
