ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
