weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Randomize
