so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
