Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
