Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
