i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize