I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
