suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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