i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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