I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
