I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
