We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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