So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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