okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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