quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize