Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
