You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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