I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
