Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
