Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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