also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
