dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
