Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
you never un-have a 4some
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