How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
