Small penises have feelings too.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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