Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
