I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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