Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
