I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
where am i from again
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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