That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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