Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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