I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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