i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
There are leaves in my underwear?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
