You're completely useless in the revolution.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
