My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize