when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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