I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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