I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize