1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
