I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
