you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
