I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
