Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
