what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
