the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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