I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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