ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
