So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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