I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I puked a lego.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
